Homesick

Hi friends and family,

This is a strange week. It's been lovely in Dublin, albeit a bit cool and somewhat damp. But since Aaron & I love this kind of weather, we're grand. I'm finding more and more that Dublin suits me right down to the ground. Someone asked me today what I loved about the city, and I just went on and on and on. It's a wonderful place.
Our involvement in church is simply lovely. It's really a large family. I'm enjoying the work that I'm doing there; Aaron is getting involved, and we feel loved, accepted and cherished. It's still a relatively new phenomenon.
I only felt that way with the church at Family Camp. Which is happening as I write this from damp Dublin. It's the first in 20 years that I haven't at least shown my face, and the first year with Aaron that we haven't gone as a couple. I spent years fighting for church and koinonia and the only place I found it -- until now -- was Family Camp. So it was the last safe place for me...
Until Dublin Vineyard.
Now don't get me wrong, Bel Air does its best, but with 3000 people, there's only so much intimacy to be had on the larger scale. The small groups were a try, but we never were able to feel like we had much in common with people other than Jesus. We LOVE our small group back in L.A. I just want that said. It's more of a question of "fit" and silly things like common careers, interests, hobbies. We had more of those with people outside the state.
So our "safe" place -- well, mine particularly -- is Family Camp.
And I'm not there. I'm grieving a bit about it actually. My heart really, really hurts. I'm not sitting around the campfire with Bill, Herschel, and Mike. I'm not listening to Bill Crawford. I'm not laying on the grassy slope underneath my favorite tree in the world. I'm not fighting to find a spare bar of signal. I'm not eating meals with different friends every day. I'm not taking my girls out to mani-pedis, and I'm not basking in God's amazing gifts of Mission Springs.
And I'm not having my ritual "end" to the year. Every day that was difficult, and every day that frustrated and made me doubt God... I would look forward to Family Camp, even if subconsciously, and just remember that it was there, it was coming, and I would be there. So this week, when I normally re-charge, relax, and re-evaluate the year, I am writing a dissertation critically evaluating US Evangelicals half a world away.
It's really hard.
I've been getting updates from my Mom, which is awesome. I even gave her a tutorial on Islam and Muslim-Christian relationships that shows that I really HAVE learned so much this year and really benefited from my experience here. I am wired by God to do these things. And it still really hurts. I would love to share with my family what I'm learning and how God is changing me and my marriage and my family and my life here.
I'm learning that God has other things to teach me about community and church family. Family Camp was a brilliant preparation, but there is something else for me. And I'm learning what that is. And I'll probably have a ridiculously good cry tomorrow night, realizing that the Communion Service is happening without me, that my girls are growing up, that my family is changing, and that I'm changing.
I think that is the scariest bit. That I'm changing and maybe someday God will teach me that I need God more than I need Bel Air Family Camp, however painful and sad that is.
Oh well, I'm being a bit melodramatic, but I'm sad, and missing my old home.
We'll be in Vancouver Aug 25-29 with Alyse and Mike, Williams Aug 29-Sept 1 with the Thompsons, Los Angeles Sept 1-10, St. Louis Sept 10-13(Katie, 15 for Aaron), and then Boston till Sept 17. We're hoping to see everyone, and enjoy being "home."
Because as I often say, and truly believe,
Home is not where you hang your hat, it's where you hide your heart.